Friday Inspirations… Balance
May 30, 2008 | 1 Comment
Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance you must keep moving.
~ Albert Einstein
Friday Inspirations… Solitude
May 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment
“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away”
~Barbara de Angelis
Friday Inspirations… Feel the Waves
May 16, 2008 | 2 Comments
“There is no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves.”
~ Frank Herbert
We’re talking about Balance
May 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Welcome to the May edition of The Calm Space. This month, we’re exploring Balance and what it means to each of us.
I am passionate about nature, and am conscious that the decisions I make in my life, in my shopping, in my business, and in living, all have an affect in some way on the environment. This is one of the main reasons The Calm Space is published online. However, I am a total novice when it comes to the mechanics and thought processes behind sustainability (I still haven’t got a handle on the whole carbon credit thing: ). And so I have long searched for someone with the knowledge and the passion for this beautiful planet of ours to share their wisdom with us.
I am thrilled to say I found someone who surpassed my expectations!
I’d like to introduce you to our newest contributor - Marc Lehmann. Marc will be writing The Sustainability Space whenever he can fit it into his busy, busy life. Welcome, Marc and thank you for joining us!
Take time to read Marc’s first article, very thought-provoking indeed, and please make him welcome!
I’d also like to warmly welcome Amy Palko - you can find her beautiful photography at The Breathing Space. I look forward to bringing you more from this wonderfully talented woman in future editions!
Of course, you’ll also find all our regular contributors with what I think are their best ever articles!
You may notice that we have split my contribution to our monthly theme over to The Serenity Space (instead of directly below this editorial, where you previously found it). It’s just to give me more room here to gab on about the wonderful things in each edition 
Congratulations to our three winners of the really cute notebooks from our April prize draw. Remember to sign up for each draw here if you haven’t already - the prize this month is terrific for anyone feeling the need of a little more balance in their relationship or their life!
Whatever balance means to you, I wish you dollops of it. May your swing soar, your technology have an off-button, your dinghy float, your words enlighten and your elephants all balance on a piece of string. [And yes, you need to go read this month's articles to understand all that].
Namaste
Káren x
The thrill of the ride - why being out of balance can be more fun!
May 1, 2008 | 6 Comments
Hmm… Balance. I have always thought the term ‘balance’ and especially ‘work-life balance’ very misleading.
Balance denotes a place where things are in equilibrium. Where both sides of a scale are matching. Where the seesaw of life has equally weighted players sitting in mid-air on either end. Not moving.
And we all know that never happens in our life.
When I was a child, I loved to go to the park. I loved playing on the ‘equipment’. The merry-go-round powered by big Dads or desperate Mums or some other lucky kids big brother. Running alongside, round and round until we had enough velocity to spin on our own.
And the slippery dip! I recall one slippery dip that was so tall - the ladder required a feat of bravery just to climb its metal rungs. Flying down the shiny silver slide felt like sliding off the earth. But I always went back for more.
Then there was the swing. When I was very young, I’d love my Dad pushing me on that swing. Higher and higher I would fly until I’d squeal for him to stop.
But then he taught me how to power myself and I’d push and push myself until I felt like any minute I’d be flying and could surely reach the clouds.
There was one piece of park equipment I could never master on my own, no matter how hard I tried. I always needed another person. The seesaw was designed for two.
Even if you managed to get even weighted kids on both ends, it still didn’t mean you were static. That was when the fun started!
You’d push off the ground and up you’d go. Way up high. Often with a jolt at the top as those on the other end hit the ground.
It was no fun unless you were moving. Up. Down. Up. Down. The thrill was part of the package, no thrill, no enjoyment. Jolts, pushes and laughter - it made it all so much fun.
Life’s like that, isn’t it?
It’s no fun at all if we’re sitting on one end of the seesaw, feet firmly planted on the ground and the other empty end high in the sky - way out of reach.
And standing in the middle, trying to get the thing to rock isn’t much fun at all - you’re pretty well stuck in the same place and it’s only your knees that are taking turns bending. OK, you’re off the ground, and you don’t experience that thud as you hit the bottom, but neither do you experience the highs of soaring way up in the clouds.
Which do you chose?
Balance: Is it Possible in a Relationship?
May 1, 2008 | 3 Comments
Let’s go on a quick imaginary journey.
You and your partner are sitting in the middle of a small dinghy together. Gently rocking with the movement of the water beneath you. (Yes I know some of you would “never be seen dead” climbing aboard a dinghy, but you’ve seen enough movies to be able to picture it in your mind’s eye, so bear with me here.)
Now imagine your partner moves to the stern of the boat (I think that’s the back!) and starts to play “silly buggers”, and dance around. The boat rocks and tilts as the balance shifts. To avoid the boat capsizing, you move to a spot further forward (is that aft?) so that your weights are more evenly spread across that small sheet of aluminium, or inflated rubber, or those few planks of wood.
Let’s stop there before we have to deal with how much more adapting would be needed if the weather changed and the water got choppy.
And the point is?
We do this adapting as a natural instinct, probably for self-preservation. Fortunately, our brain works it out for us, and we adjust. Often the adjustment requires little conscious consideration of the problem. We’re just reacting and adapting to the circumstances.
And so we do in our relationships, adjusting and adapting to the circumstances. Shifting our position to counterbalance the other, and making bigger adaptations when the crises come and the water gets choppy.
In the Noughties, the word ‘balance’ often conjures up that overused and guilt-inducing term “work-life balance”. It’s certainly an area for any person to consider carefully and at least reflect on their satisfaction with their own balance.
How does balance fit into our relationships?
What happens when one partner makes decisions about their personal work and life balance? How does that impact on the couple? What happens to the other partner? What happens to their choices, their own desires for a personal work and life balance?
Because we’re in a partnership, there are two “forces” at play, to put it into Isaac Newton’s terms. One partner’s choices/actions in this partnership cause an equal and opposite reaction from the other partner.
That’s what floating in the boat is. That’s what being in a relationship is.
While we remain individuals, and retain our rights as individuals, when we are part of a life partnership our choices will inevitably impact on the other. Our lives are a merger, an overlap. The natural forces are still at work.
If one chooses to smoke, then it may mean that the other will end up caring for the smoker through their terminal illness.
If one chooses to drink excessively, the other may bear the embarrassments and perhaps the abuse that can flow from such choices.
If one chooses to work long hours, then the other is forced to adapt their life to rebalance the scales and the relationship. If working hours are lopsided on one side, parental responsibilities may be equally lopsided on the other to try and accommodate the choice.
It’s not really news.
Way back in the 16th century, John Donne told us that “no man is an island, entire of itself”. So clearly this isn’t new information. Our choices impact on many people in our world, but most especially our partner.
For some people, those ‘facts’ of life and the natural world are unacceptable. They act like someone’s duped them. They’ll claim they “didn’t know” that’s what they were buying into when they became a life partner. They’ll argue strongly for their need for independence, and fight aggressively to defend their territory.
And their partner will be faced with the inevitable equal and opposite reaction, because these are immutable laws.
No-one has been cheated of their rights. But someone may not have wanted to recognise the responsibilities that are part of sharing your kitchen, your CD Collection, and your life.
A Little Closer to Home
In Pink Apple’s world, when I chose to leave permanent employment to create a small business, the impact on SweetP was a raised “pressure”. It became more important that he remain in his role and bear extra responsibility for the financial security of our lives in the face of the possible insecurity of a small business.
Did we talk that through appropriately? Well… The decision certainly had his blessing and encouragement. But, with hindsight I don’t believe we considered all of it too well at all. These days, when SweetP comes home from a difficult day at a sometimes toxic workplace, I wish we’d gone about things differently.
So What About You?
What things have you done to initiate imbalance or redress balance in your partnerships? Have they required sacrifices? Were they conscious decisions, or automatic reactions to the situation at hand? Could you see the potential for imbalance, and negotiate how you’d both manage it? How have these choices and actions impacted on your relationship?
Mmm! It does bear thinking about, doesn’t it?
So let’s hear YOUR thoughts?
Keeping Our Writing Feet On The Ground
May 1, 2008 | 5 Comments
What image comes to mind when you think of “balance”?
For me, it’s standing bare foot on warm earth or sand, toes gently curling into the ground, arms outstretched to steady myself. It’s physical balance, but also connection back down to things that are real, physical, tangible. It’s rooting myself back to the present moment. It’s that sense of release we get when we’re present, grounded, here.
But what do I mean when I talk about keeping our writing feet on the ground?
Just that writing can help to keep us present, grounded, here.
Carving out the space to write - not for other people, not to promote our business, or to explain a big idea, or make connections but just for ourselves - well that can help us keep our feet on the ground.
Because with that kind of writing there’s:
- No right or wrong: in structure, style, grammar and writing rules, just the words that want to be written
- No right or wrong: in the content, in the feelings, thoughts, memories or dreams that we’re writing
- No past or future: just you, here, now. Pen moving over paper.
- No need for analysis and abstraction: you can focus right down on to the the present moment. This place, this fragment of time. This rock of the boat, the buzz of the engine, this warm mug of tea, this smell of cooked bacon… That’s all.
- No need to explain or justify: it’s just your words on the page, and the way your face changes as you write them: the wicked glint in your eye, a smile of remembered delight, a sudden flood of tears.
It’s easy to get lost in the swirl of ideas, information, thoughts, actions, and emotions that run through each day. (Heck, never mind day: that run through each hour!) Easy to lose our way and easy to lose our sense of balance.
Writing - personal writing in your own writing space - is a simple way to reconnect back to the present moment. To feel and to write the way you feel now, never mind the whys and wherefores. To let some stuff go and just… be.
To feel our toes uncurl, notice the warmth of the sand, feel our weight shift and settle. To know we’re grounded, present, here. And to stand up tall again.
Photo credit: Miguel Ariel Contreras Drake-McLaughlin
One Grey Elephant Balancing
May 1, 2008 | 9 Comments
I have a children’s song stuck in my head.
One grey elephant balancing, Step by step on a piece of string, He thought is was such a wonderful stunt, That he called for another, Elephant!
And so the song goes on - 2, 3, 4 grey elephants all implausibly balancing on one piece of string, until…
5 grey elephants balancing, Step by step on a piece of string, All of a sudden the piece of string broke, And down came all the elephant folk!
What a perfect analogy for our theme this month. Let’s say the piece of string is you, and the grey elephants are the load, or responsibilities, you carry. What I’m getting at is Work-Life Balance. How many “grey elephants” can you balance before you “break”?
In preparation for this article, I put out a call for help. I asked…
Work-Life Balance -
How do you define it?
Is it attainable?
Do you have it?
How do you make sure you get it?
Here’s what I learned. Some people had never heard the expression. Some felt it was elusive and indefinable. Some enjoyed their work so much they found it hard to separate work from the rest of their life. Dee Le Blang joked that “it is the fine line between insanity and being able to smile each day“. Interestingly, no-one defined being “out of balance” as having too much “life” and not enough “work”, always the reverse. It seems to me “work-life balance” is a subjective term with as many interpretations as there are situations.
I was encouraged to hear the great majority felt work-life balance is attainable. Far fewer, though, believed they currently achieved a satisfactory work-life balance. On further examination, a pattern emerged.
Those who were dissatisfied
- often felt overwhelmed
- felt they had no control
- felt they took on too many responsibilities
- rarely took time off
Those who were satisfied
- worked at achieving that satisfaction
- planned their time off
- spent time winding down
- pursued hobbies and interests outside work
Now it’s over to you. Let’s hear your ideas on Work-Life Balance and how it can be achieved. In other words, how many elephants can you balance? And how do you keep that string strong?
And I’ll keep singing…
One grey elephant balancing…
Get a Little Balance in Your Tech Life
May 1, 2008 | 5 Comments
This month’s Calm Space topic is one that I can sometimes find hard to achieve - Balance - and when it comes to balancing my digital life then it gets especially hard.
Time is elastic, malliable and stretches very easily when I’m absorbed in my technology. It can be so easy to loose track of time that before I know it hours have passed. Ever had that experience?
Once absorbed in the computer all thoughts about getting up and moving, eating lunch at an appropriate time or completing other tasks that need doing seem to disappear. When I’m doing something I love, learning something new or solving a problem online it’s the only world that seems to exist. And quite frankly there is no balance in that.
So I’m going to keep this article short and sweet this month, because in reading this article you are at your computer and absorbed in techology. There is one sure way to get balance in your digital life - turn it off and walk away!!!!
That’s right … “step away from the technology and put your hands on the wall”!!! Right now is the time to stretch, go for a walk, play with the dog, have your lunch, have a glass of water, or just get out the paper and pen and get creative in an analog way.
Are you still reading? I thought I made it clear to get balance in your digital life you need to turn the technology off. You know what to do just …… [bye]
Walking the tight-rope…
May 1, 2008 | 2 Comments
This New Year gone I decided to get real and not make any resolutions but instead and only, a decision to live a more balanced life. My circumstance of having no daily responsibilities other than to myself, my business and two cats, whilst having obvious advantages, also allows me to overindulge elsewhere resulting in waning self discipline, build up of stress and a distracted life.
I decided I needed intervention of the ‘mind body spirit’ kind. Think Yin and Yang, Hare with the Krishna and so on If I could get that balance right, all would be good…
Thankfully, writing this month’s Reading Space contribution to The Calm Space is a timely reminder to gauge how I am doing since I made that decision. Let’s just say it is still a work in progress…and I needed the reminder…:)
I offer my pick of books to assist your desire for that more balanced life. The first is a repeat of a title I have mentioned before and as relevant.
Being in Balance
In this inspirational work, best-selling author and lecturer Wayne W. Dyer shows you how to restore balance in your life by offering nine principles for realigning your thoughts so that they correspond to your highest desires.
Imagine a balance scale with one end weighted down to the ground, and the other end - featuring the objects of your desires - sticking up precariously in the air. This scale is a measurement of your thoughts. To restore the same balance that characterizes everything in our universe, you have to take up the weighty thoughts so that they match up to your desires.
The seasons reflect the overall harmony of life. For example, winter passes and the blossoms emerge. This is balanced by a need to have the trees rest, so autumn arrives on time and helps the trees ready themselves for another period of repose. This book is dedicated to the idea that we’re a vital component of this creative process and have within ourselves the wherewithal to create all that we want if we recognize and revise out-of-balance thoughts.
Tao Teh Ching
Written more than two thousand years ago, the Tao Teh Ching, or “The Classic of the Way and Its Virtue,” has probably had a greater influence on Asian thought than any other single book. It is also one of the true classics of the world of spiritual literature. Traditionally attributed to the near-legendary “Old Master,” Lao Tzu, the Tao Teh Ching teaches that the qualities of the enlightened sage or ideal ruler are identical with those of the perfected individual.
Today, Lao Tzu’s words are as useful in mastering the arts of leadership in business and politics as they are in developing a sense of balance and harmony in everyday life. To follow the Tao or Way of all things and realize their true nature is to embody humility, spontaneity, and generosity.
John C. H. Wu has done a remarkable job of rendering this subtle text into English while retaining the freshness and depth of the original. A jurist and scholar, Dr. Wu was a recognized authority on Taoism and the translator of several Taoist and Zen texts and of Chinese poetry.
Recipes for a Great Life
Do you ever feel stuck in a rut? Unfit and unhealthy? Do you wish you had more time to enjoy yourself, to spend with friends, to eat well and feel better?
Recipes for a Great Life will provide you with the blueprint for achieving the life balance that so many of us find difficult to get right. Respected food and health experts Gabriel Gaté and Rob Moodie share their experience and wisdom in discussing all aspects of a busy modern lifestyle – time management, motivation, food and alcohol, health and fitness, sexuality and friendship, and managing stress.
Each topic is tackled with clarity and a practical, step-by-step guide to achieving a balance and improving your overall wellbeing.
Features include a 10-week program to improve all elements of your overall health, as well as more than 60 simple and nourishing recipes. All fully illustrated throughout.
An inspiring and timely book to motivate and help turn your life and health around.
The 4-Hour Work Week
In The 4-Hour Work Week, Ferriss explores the epidemic of information, abuse and addiction that has left us overwhelmed and confused, and poorer for it, and asks us to rethink our lives. Ferriss is convinced that we can lead a rich life by working only 4 hours a week, freeing up the rest of our time to spend it living the lives we want.
The 4-Hour Work Week is not another book on work-life balance describing the problems we all face. It is about creating solutions. Ferriss teaches you the tips and tricks of the 20/80 rule so you no longer have to wait to retire to enjoy fun, travel and adventure; shows you how to find your muse; replace your dreams with goals and how to ‘add life’ after subtracting work. So, take a step back and follow these principles:
Definition: Define what you want to be doing
Elimination: Ask yourself three times a day ‘am I being productive, or am I being busy?’ Get rid of the noise and interruption
Automation: Delegate or automate the remaining tasks, even sending personal tasks overseas
Liberation: Enjoy your mobility and use the time you create
Perfect Balance
Won’t life be perfect when . . .
…you feel you have all the time in the world - for work, for family and friends, for your own needs and development
…you’re motivated and inspired to perform at your best you make sound decisions and quickly recover from setbacks
…your world is simple and uncluttered
…your life has meaning and purpose
…you discover real peace and contentment
All this is possible.
In Perfect Balance, Paul Wilson - businessman and international bestselling author - reveals the techniques and strategies for finding balance between all the different parts of your busy life. You can do this without working harder or longer. By taking this more relaxed approach - the Calm Way - you’ll bring all of your resources into play at once to achieve perfect balance in your life.
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