A Fresh Start to Your Relationship

Written by: Chris Owen
October 2, 2007

Even just coming here to The Calm Space makes me start breathing deeper and feeling better. And when that breathing makes you notice the smell of fresh earth and warm breezes and the flutter of spring blossoms out in the street, it’s a real sensual pleasure! Ah there’s that day-spa for the senses again!

Having breathed myself into a piece of serenity, I thought I’d share with you my plans for this year’s Spring Clean/Fresh Start on my marriage of 33 years! Our Wedding Anniversary is part of Spring so the sights and smells of Spring make us both smile at the thought of our upcoming Anniversary.

Of course, you may ask why, if my relationship is strong and enduring, would I need a Fresh Start? Because just like the washing needs doing, and the cupboards or the car sometimes needs a good clean-out, so too does our/any relationship.

What’s that you wanted to know? How do I get my husband to participate? What do we do?

Well, getting “the old man” on board is about setting the scene right the first time. Since then, suggesting it’s time for a review and revamp has positive and pleasant associations and he readily agrees. (I made sure the first time was some work and lotsa fun!)

As to how, here’s the steps I take.

  1. Propose a time out session for both of us including activities that both will enjoy. (That might be staying at a hotel or going away, but could equally be fresh seafood, champagne and the massage table with warm fragrant oils set up ready to pamper each other at home!)
  2. Be clear that the lovely indulgences are our reward to each other for spending some time talking and reflecting.
  3. Start with something that refreshes us both, e.g. walk along the beach, breakfast at a cafe. During the relaxed conversation that goes with it, deliberately reminisce about our early romance and highlights of our lives together.
  4. Bring out the good tea and coffee, and have pen and paper and whiteboard ready. Review the highlights and lowlights of the year. Key topics are our relationship, work, family, health, friends, spirit, energy, impact of changes etc. (While finances will be part of that, they’re a small part!)
  5. Express our hopes and dreams as well as our fears and visible/predictable obstacles for the coming year.
  6. Map out the major steps to any specific intentions for practical changes, and work out first steps towards those goals and the rewards that go with each step.
  7. Having reflected on how we want our relationship to continue/develop, we write each other a love letter. It has expressions of love and intentions for the next year. (It takes us about 15 minutes and doesn’t have to be long or hard, just loving and positive and talking about how we’ll continue to love each other. It’s always about what each of us expects ourselves to do NOT about any expectations of what the other will do!)
  8. We read our letters aloud to each other in a cosy spot with a glass of wine to celebrate our love. We listen without debate and just let the love, appreciation and intentions soak in.
  9. The it’s time for the fun! But maybe we should fade out at this stage …

Chris Owen - Sharing the Secrets of Successful Relationships | http://www.thecalmspace.com/about#chris

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